MERRY CHRISTMAS

Hope you all have a wonderful time.

I thought I would get around to posting more than I have, but never mind.

It seems like weeks since we were all fit and healthy - I think I started it, then the kids, then Ian. While the kids were ill, Ian and I had to take turns staying at home. I say this because today when I picked Matthew up from school, I was told he has spent most of the afternoon with his head on his desk burning up. Why they didn't just phone me to come and collect him I don't know. So we will have to wait and see how he is in the morning.

Both the children are doing great - between illnesses. Matthew has stopped going to Beavers, as he said it was to boring. I have to admit from what he told us of it I don't blame him. Piano lessons are going great although the practice at home isn't so good. He's excellent in lessons, listens, plays well. But at home if we ask him to practice, things quite often get nasty. He says he wants to continue to have lessons but with no practice at home. Don't get me wrong by 'practice' I mean 10-15 mins at most per night. We both want him to continue as he is getting very good and we have talked with his teacher about his first exam. I was shocked when she mentioned it - I think in my head that was years off. School's going well - Matthew has been involved in the school newsletter. The first edition is due after Christmas. He seems happy and settled and I don't think we can ask for much more than that.

Heather...where do I start. She is a normal 3 year old with SOOOOO much energy! She is thoroughly enjoying nursery, becoming more confident and grown up each day. At the moment she's getting very excited about Christmas, I love this age. When Ian got the tree down from the loft (or attic-whatever you want to call it) she ran over to the box and hugged and kissed it. I think she may actually pop before Christmas. We had snow, I loved it. Then it all went just as quick as it came. I have almost finished my Christmas shopping just a few more gifts to get. I love Christmas I get very excited the nearer it gets.

Ian is fine. I don't generally get soppy on here, but lately I really appreciate him. I thank the Lord each day for finding him. I have heard, read, been told about so many marriages, partnerships and couples going their own ways that I stopped and thought how good things are between us. If there's a problem we talk - we're there for each other. Sometimes I don't think I could have gone on without him being there for me this last year. Thank you Hun.

As for Me, I'm fine. Work is OK. Mum and Dad are doing well, managing to keep it together. I actually think having Kate and Thomas there with them has helped them.

Finally, here are some pics of the snow, and some of the kids being mad as usual.
Take care.

I'm Back!
Not sure if I'm doing the right thing by coming back, but equally it doesn't seem right posting on Ian's site. I don't see myself posting regulary but at least its somewhere to share.

As you can imagine, things have been very much like a roller coaster since my last post. I was talking to my friend the other day and she told me she thinks you never get over losing somebody - it just becomes bearable. I have to agree. I still don't think a day goes by that Donna isn't in my thoughts.

When Donna died we asked the children what they would like to do with her ashes, and they decided to have a memory garden in my Mum's back garden, as that is were they will be living. That way they, and anybody else, had somewhere to go and remember Donna. The garden is beautiful and the children love it being there.

The point to this was that my Mum took some of the ashes to keep, her bit of Donna. Well last week Mum and her sister and niece went to Rome to scatter the remaining ashes. As you can imagine it was an emotional time for us all, but seemed fitting as it was our final goodbye.

We were horrified when Mum phoned later on the day she arrived, to tell us she had been mugged. When she was on the airplane it was annonunced that there was a free bus to take passengers into the middle of Rome as it would be easier for people to get taxis to their hotels. So this is what Mum did - they got off the bu,s had a cigarette, then walked a few feet to get in the taxi. Suddenly Mum was surrounded by at least 7 people, some being teenagers, the others adults. They got very verbal in a foreign language so Mum didn't understand, but got the gist that they weren't happy. They tried to get her case and handbag but Mum would not leave go of them. At which point they began to hit her. People quickly came to help, as Mum thought, but it was the Police. They had been sitting waiting for the attackers to strike, as they had done it before. They were arrested and Mum later found out they were Croatian asylum seekers.

Mum rested for the remainder of the day, and the next day scattered Donnas ashes.

Going out on a high note

We did it !

It was hot and emotional. Katy found it tough going in many ways but as we continued walking and she read the signs on people's backs and she realised how many other people had lost somebody I think it helped. The first part was hard as it was so hot but it got much quicker.

As you can see from the back of the photograph there were a lot of people there. We were met at the end by Ian, Matthew and Heather, as well as my Mum, sister and Thomas - Katy's brother and my nephew. It was a very moving time I think all our thoughts were with Donna although nobody spoke we just hugged. Our medals in hand and feeling very proud we headed home. It took us nearly an hour to get out of the car park! A good day was had by all.

At this very moment I am saying Goodbye to this blog.

I wanted to put this post on as it seems like a good place to end. The last few months have been very hard and with time I'm sure will get easier, but right now I won't say I will never be back, as who knows what's around the corner. If I do come back I'm sure Ian will let you know.

Thank you all for your comments and bothering to read. Take care of yourselves and your families.

Joanne xxxx

Race For Life

On Sunday Katy my niece (Donna's daughter) and myself will be taking part in the Race For Life in aid of Cancer Research. We entered months ago, before we knew anything about Donna's illness, so now it seems to have more feeling to doing it. We will both race in memory of Donna. Quite a lot of the family are coming to the race to give support to Katy. I think Sunday is going to be quite an emotional day.
I hope the sun has a rest on Sunday !

Firstly Thank you all for your comments, posts and well wishes both on Ian's and this blog.

I would have to say this has been the worse past month of my year. Donna will never be forgotten by any member of our family. My memories and thoughts of Donna are still very raw and if I talk or think about her the pain and shock is still fresh.
So once again thank you all.

I said 'firstly' at the beginning, so on another note Matthew got his school report yesterday. In with the report were his S.A.T.S. results. Matthew gained a 3 in all five areas . A 3 represents achievement above the nationally expected standard for most seven year olds. So as you can imagine we are very very proud of him.

DONNA

A wife, Mum, daughter, sister and friend.

Life does not end here

You passed from this life,
with wings that unfold
and such amazing stories
yet to be told.

The day you left us,
you felt no great pain,
and the tears we shed
were in love, not in vein.

We all knew you'd be missed,
indeed a great deal
it doesn't make it any easier
but they say time will heal.

Somewhere in heaven
I can see you now,
You'll be there
watching us all.

Hope you like it Do.

Good night, Goodbye and God bless.

Where to start.
This is not a nice normal cheery Paper Doll post - you have been warned.

I have tried to write this at least 10 times but keep deleting it, not sure why, maybe because once its there in black and white it suddenly becomes real. The last week has been one of the most trying weeks I think I have had. I feel at the moment lost, numb, mentally tired, shocked, and I think most of all bloody helpless.

My big sis has not been well for some time now and each time she has visited the doctors they have given her pain killers and put it down to an ongoing condition. She is also in a wheelchair so many of the doctors don't ever examine her as its too much messing about. Last Monday she was taken back to the doctors as she was so ill having not eaten properly for the past month or so and was given different painkillers. Tuesday she could not get out of bed she was so ill and was taken into hospital. At first it was thought to be kidney stones.

She was admitted and taken to a ward where more tests were done. Wednesday evening she had a scan, the news was not what we hoped. Thursday morning she was told she had to have surgery right away as she had a perforated bowl plus they had found a shadow on her liver. Mum and Dad were advised to inform all her family as the outcome was not good - the doctors had told them it was Cancer. Donna had not been informed how bad things were.

After being in surgery for 6 hours the operation was ended, most of her bowl and liver have been remover plus secondary cancer has been found in her lungs. At the moment, as you can imagine, were all in shock. We have been told her prognosis is not good but she is a fighter and has two loving children waiting for their Mum to come through this.

Hopefully there will be more news at the end of the week with regards the findings of the cancer and what the next step is. So I wont be about, - I'm sure Ian will keep you posted.

Take care and look after your family - you never know what's around the corner.

Joanne xxx

As I had a quick five mins I thought I would write something. Just not sure what to say or where to start. Hmmm.......

Matthew is doing well. He had an enrolment mass last week in church in preperation for his Holy Communion. We had to go to the altar and were presented with a certificate - he was so proud. He still goes to Beavers and loves it. He now has a uniform and looks very smart. He has been going to piano lessons for about 5 weeks and is doing very well. The confidence in which he reads the notes is wonderful to watch. At the moment he is practicing Yankee Doodle.

Heather...well I'm sure you have read the antics of our little monkey on Ian's site. We went back to our own dentist on Friday gone and he says her teeth look good. She can eat normal food and he's pretty certain there will be no permanant damage. None of this has made her stop being the monkey she is, but I wouldn't change her.

Ian is taking the mornings off this week to look after the kids as it's half term. Matthew has two weeks off, I have one which is next week. Ian's niece had a baby last week he was 9lb 14ozs, he's called Benjamin and both of us can't wait to cuddle him.

Lastly me - not much going on. I have a performance and development meeting tomorrow with our acting head. Work is s good, so are the kids, and Ian and me are doing good as always, so all in all I'm a happy bunny :-)

Finally, I decided to put some of my own photos on my blog, so below you will find some pics of Matthew and Heather, from our recent day out at Freshfields Squirrel Reserve. We only saw ONE squirrel, but the kids had a great time anyway :-)

Heather making 'Sand Angels' 

That's Matthew in the middle ! 

Matthew exploring the maze of roots 

Look Mummy - TWIGS ! 

Heather running through the forest 

Heather and Matthew at Freshfields Squirrel Reserve 

Happy Birthday

My wonderful husband is 35 years young today. Happy birthday baby, have a great day.

Well yesterday morning was different. It all began when Matthew came into our bedroom. He asked me why Dad wears a wedding ring and I don't. Good question - but instead of just telling him I stupidly showed him as well. I don't wear my wedding ring because since I had Matthew it doesn't fit me comfortably - it's too tight. At this point I put on my engagement and wedding rings - they weren't that hard to put on getting them off well that was a different story.

I tried soap, washing up liquid, margarine, ice and cooking oil. My finger just got bigger and bigger. It was also very sore. I phoned the local hospital and explained, and I was advised to go to the hospital were they would try to get it off. After a lot of swelling and pain later I had to have my wedding ring cut off. I am obviously not happy about this but there really was no other option.

I have already made enquiries into having my ring re-sized. We're not sure yet what to do - either have it fixed or get a new one and try and get it blessed whilst renewing our vows.

Should I go or should I stay.....

The feeling in Simeland is pretty much the same - we're both a little fed up with our sites. Ian more so than me has lots of work on at the moment, plus home life is getting busier for some reason. So I think the short term answer is just to keep the site up but don't worry about the posts. As Ian has said, I also do read your sites so will be around.

Take Care.

My big sis has set a date for her wedding - July 2006. We got talking about what she is going to wear and my wedding dress came into the conversation. So last night I asked Ian to get it down from the loft. It brought back so many happy memories seeing it. In June we will be celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary - it's strange seeing the dress again, it looks like I just bought it. That was one expensive dress !

Anyway back to reality...I took the dress to my sis today to let her try it on. It was too small. It didn't feel right seeing her standing there in my dress, the one I fell in love with, the one that took months of not going out to pay for, the one I felt so special wearing,the one that made my big tough dad cry when he saw me for the first time in it. Get the idea - it's my dress. The worst thing is she loved it too. She will have to lose lots of weight to fit into it so we will see.

Is it wrong to want to keep it to myself just because of the memories it holds or should I be pleased it might get used again and by family ?

After a long illness, Pope John Paul II eventually passed away tonight. He spent the final part of his life in his private apartment in the Vatican, struggling always to defeat the health problems that troubled him. At 21:37 local time, he eventually lost that battle.

May God rest his soul.

Apparently pure silk ties don't like being machine washed. Ian asked if his ties could be washed - he has two fave ones. So the other day, in goes his work stuff plus two pure silk expensive ties. Washing finished I take all the clothes out only to find the ties completely ruined. I know it would have happened whoever put the washing on but I felt awful.
Today we got the last of Matthew's clothes for his Holy Communion so at last he's all done. The hall is booked and so is the entertainer for the kids. We now have to sort the invites - Ian can sort them on the computer.
My friend has just gone home - it's been months since we last saw each other. We exchanged Christmas and Easter prezzies today, so the kids are happy! She's doing really well, it's good to see her happy. She is nearly at the end of her first year of teacher training, specializing in maths. Good luck to her.
Tomorrow my not-so-little niece is 13. I am taking the kids to her party. That's after waiting in for our new dining table and chairs to arrive. They will be here anytime between 7.30am and 1pm. I bet they come either at 7.31am or 12.50pm. As the old table is going, for the last few days we have been doing lots of crafty things. The only thing is I now have lots of paintings and nowhere to put them !

I thought it was about time I sat down and typed something - even Ian has been moaning at me. I have to say blogging is so low on my list of things to do of an evening.

So, where to begin...
Work is good - I am actually enjoying it at the moment which is great. On Friday a colleague and I had to take one of the children we support to the local hospital for a CAT scan and a MRI scan - 'why' is too long a story - needless to say she was fantastic. When we went into the CAT scan the radiographer asked Ellie (name changed) if "Joanne should have a go to see what it's like". Well thanks a bloody lot. I couldn't very well say no thanks. So on the bed I lay, smiling on the outside, telling Ellie what fun it was when all I could really think was O.M.G I don't like this. Ellie thought it was great that I was on it. Then it was her turn. A little unsure at first but was a little star and stayed very still clinging hold of my hand through out the whole thing.

The kids are fine - Heather is very nicely developing her independence and the use of the word NO :) Matthew is great, for the last week he has had to decorate and look after a hard boiled egg. The idea being take it to school and home every day and get people to sponsor you. There was a competition at the end of the week to see who has survived and for the best decorated. Matthew won ! He got an Easter egg as his prize and hie egg has been entered into the final.

We went into Liverpool on Saturday hunting for a suit for Matthew's holy communion. I think we went into every clothes shop in Liverpool and unless we wont to pay the earth for something that will be worn for a couple of hours we had no luck. We got a rather nice shirt and waist coat. Still hunting for a suit although I may just get a pair of pants.

I finished work on Friday for two weeks, Matthew is still in until Wednesday.
Things are going pretty well at the moment I have managed at long last to make every single speck of my bathroom go 'ding' as you walk in, plus our bedroom has been de cluttered and we have a floor now so I have been a busy bee lately. On Saturday we ordered a new dining table and chairs so that should be with us the next few days.

My sister who looks after Heather for us whilst I am in work told me within the next few months she will no longer will be looking after Heather. Her long term boyfriend is moving in with her and she is going to get a job. I am pissed off but equally wish them both good luck.

On Sunday my neighbour's sister goes back to Nigeria, so for the last couple of weeks I have been a little more tolerant. That was until yesterday.
I came home from school with Matthew and Heather, and we were talking to another neighbour when she told me that our friend opposite was on her way over to me. As I had my back to her I had not seen her myself, so I hoped she would take the hint. Oh no - instead she tells Matthew to open the door as it's cold outside. I carried on talking but felt so guilty that I had to go into the house. What made me laugh was as soon as I opened the door she just walked past me and went straight into the living room and sat down. Hmmmm at least I will get some peace and quiet from Sunday.

I have been to a meeting in Matthew's school today to be given details of his First Holy Communion. I have to say I am not a happy bunny. The children will be making their holy communions on a Friday morning in school in the hall, where only Mums and Dads can attend. If parents wish there will be three masses over the weekend where you can choose to attend with family and your child can receive communion in church for the first time. A big part of the day for most of the children is the anticipation of walking down the aisle in church with all their family there knowing this is the first time. It's special. It somehow just doesn't seen the same to be doing it in school. At least not for the first time.
Having said all that the most important thing in all this is Matthew so we will make the day as special as possible for him. The day he makes his H C is our 10th wedding anniversary.

Where to start. ..
For those of you who have been reading SimeWorld recently, you will know about the problems between Matthews school and ourselves. Well things were sorted at the end of last week but with our agreement, school will now monitor Matthew's behavior until Easter then report back to us with a view to him being assessed for some form of ADHD.
I went to see Matthew's Headmistress before he began nursery, as I had concerns about his behavior. The health visitors were not that helpful - it was put down to him being bright. I just wanted school to be aware of my concerns before anything came to light. It may have been the wrong thing to do looking back - did I plant the first seed? We have always worked very close with school as we have had lots of meeting re Matthew's behavior.
Over the years there has always been something - many of the things are just normal for a child of his age, but sometimes we have our difficult weeks.
Matthew is so loving, funny, kind and very very sensitive, which is why I get so upset with school when he is punished for lashing out. Don't get me wrong - it's not right to hit another child, but he is looked at like some little monster when in fact it has happened because somebody has usually hurt or pushed him, and he has just lashed out without stopping to think first. We have talked to him so much about this that it got us wondering if there's something we're missing.
I said so long ago when I came home from work that Matthew reminded me of one of the children who had ADHD, but hes not hyper. We looked into it and there are so many of the charateristics that fit with Matthew, but equally there are many that don't. It's been hiding at the back of our minds for some time and we keep just brushing it off, but we mentioned it to school along with some of our obsevations. They agreed with some of what we said, plus they told us of other things that they have observed. At least they now are watching him more closely and they are aware that Matthew sometimes feels unduly punished, so hopefully his teacher will back off.
I don't know - am I just looking for things that aren't there? I think deep down I am scared in case something comes to light and then I know I will feel I have failed him as a Mum for not getting something sorted earlier. God knows I get so emotional when it comes to the kids.
All I know is that he's our son and we love him more than anything else in the world.
We will just have to wait and see.

GO GIRL, GO GIRL

Last night when I went to slimming world I lost 9lbs.

Is it just me or does anybody else think paying £30.00 for kids shoes is a lot of money. I wont even pay that much for myself.
Recently Matthew was seen by a physiotherapist for an assessment into whether or not he had dyspraxia. He hasn't, but he is very flat footed and has very low muscle tone, which is why he finds balancing and large motor things hard. As a result of this assessment, he was measured for shoe inserts and has recently got them. His current shoes were too uncomfortable with them in, so off we went last night to Clarks to get some new ones. You can tell they're expensive, as there are no prices on the shoes. He was measured and fitted. He has the inserts in and says there very comfy so I don't mind paying for them really, its just a lot of money for shoes that will be ruined in a few weeks.
Whilst out I bought Heather a doctors set, she loves it and has been playing doctors ever since. Her doll baby Bella has been having lots of needles in her bum. The rest of us have had our fair share of things prodding and poking us.
I have been trying to find activities for Matthew after school but it's not been easy. On Wednesdays he stays bedind in school for cookery and gardening club and he really enjoys it. We tried Karate but Matthew didnt like it so now on Monday night he goes to his first Beavers session and so far is really looking forward to it. Lets hope he stays.

Well Saturday was pure bliss.
I arrived into Liverpool city centre about 10.45am - my treatment was booked for 1pm so I had lots of time to shop and get lunch. It was so nice looking aroud clothes shops on my own, not having to worry about the kids (or Ian) being bored. After lunch I went to put my bags in the car and go into the massage centre.
Firstly I had half an hour in the sauna and relaxation room, on my own may I add. I have to admit to not really liking the sauna much but once I lay back and relaxed it was sooooo nice. There is a shower and drinks cabinet in the room also and CD player so I could have just stayed in there.
After the sauna I was taken into one of the treatment rooms for a body polish - very strange - it was the first time I have ever had this done. It was erm...both nice and not at the same time. The first polish was a little uncomfortable a bit like ahorse grooming, but when the exfoliating cream was used it was very nice.
This was all washed off me then we moved into a different room were I had to rather embarrassingly undress completely and have very, very cold mud applied to my body. A very strange feeling.
I then lay on the bed of the vibro sauna where a mud mask was applied to my face then I was enclosed in the pod with just my head popping out. The lights went out, CD player on, and the timer set for half an hour. I was woken when the music and vibrations gently stopped. I moved my arm forgetting about the mud, not for long though. I had to get up whilst the mud was cracking all over my body. I then prayed knowbody was out side my room as I made my way to the shower. As I washed off the mud my skin felt so soft. I sat for a while and had a drink before moving on to an aromatherapy massage to complete the treatment. I think I fell asleep during this as well. All in all it was pure heaven and I would totally recommend it.
So once again a very big thank you to my wonderful husband.

Last night I tried to do an audio post, as you can see it didn't work. I'm not sure what I did wrong but I may try again some time. The kids are fine and Ian and myself are finally getting the house back to normal after Christmas now that the Ian's office move is over and we are both at home together.

Early last year I said hello to a new couple who moved into our close. Little did I know that less than a year later I would be hiding from their sister in my own home !

It's not that bad really. When they moved in the lady (L for short) was very heavily pregnant, and over the months we became friends. They are both from Nigeria and we both enjoy learning things about each others cultures. Several months back L's mother-in-law came to stay for 6 months to look after the baby. I would always say hello and try to make some attempt to communicate when I saw her outside with the baby. It usually ended with us both smiling politely at each other. As our understanding of each other got better we enjoyed our chats, the 6 months went very fast and we said our goodbyes.

Not long after that, L's sister came to stay for 6 months - we smiled at each other and L would interpret for us both. To cut a very long story short, last week just as I got in from work, still had my coat on the doorbell went. It was L's sister and the baby. She just walked in and said hello, then told me that L had said she should come and visit me - so she did! L is at work for most of the day so her sister is at home all day with the baby and they don't go out - she says its much too cold. She stayed for an hour and then went home saying she would see me tomorrow. Well she did, only this time she waited until Matthew was home from school so she could see him. Don't get me wrong I like talking to her but she makes me feel uncomfortable in my own home. She is always asking to help with house work or if any jobs need doing then tells me that at home friends help each other. It has got to the point that two days this week I actually came in and closed the blinds so I could avoid her. I feel awful doing it, but feel worse saying 'don't come and visit'. I feel sorry for her I would want company if I was on my own every day. But I don't want to see her every day.

Thats enough about that - what else has happened this week...
Ian moved offices, and as a result of that had to spend lots of extra time at work so we didn't see each other that much last weekend. On the Sunday I took the kids to see him so they could see his new office. I have to say it is very nice, the kids loved the fountains in the carpark. All is back to normal now.
As we didn't see each other much and as a thankyou Ian has booked me a mud wrap treatment for tomorrow and I am going shopping on my own for clothes for me. So I think I will have a very nice weekend.

Matthew had his first and last Karate lesson on Monday night. When we were there he seemed to be quite happy and even told the instructor he wanted to come back. Once we got home he changed his mind and asked if he could never go back. Not sure how to play this one - do we be the evil parents and make him do it or respect his wishes and stop going. Hmmm tough one.

Well it's been a while since I was last here. Let's think what's been going on...

Christmas was lovely, both Ian and myself were off work and went back Tuesday just gone, so we had lots of time with the kids, which was great. Matthews second tooth fell out on Christmas Day, so that made things extra special, then when it snowed later on and he was overjoyed. The kids both enjoyed the day and so did I. I got lots of lovely pressies off Ian and the kids.

New Years Eve is my sister's birthday so we went to visit her earlier in the day then came home and we let Matthew stay up to see the new year in. To be honest I fully expected him to fall asleep half way through our game of Monopoly. Talking of which, Matthew was on my team and we played against Ian guess who won .... yep me. Matthew was delighted and he stayed awake. When we went outside he didn't like it as he hates fireworks and there certainly were lots. Heather slept through the lot.

Do you remember Matthew won the compertition in Ian's work to desine a Christmas card and part of the prize was to choose a charity to make a donation to. He chose Oxfam (or Oxford as he calls it). Well yesterday he received a lovely letter of thanks from Oxfam telling him what had happened to the money so hears what he got for the donation,
Two goats
One Hundred trees
Twenty chickens
Not bad !
Ian also received a letter from them as he sorted the donation it said that we should be very proud of Matthew and do you know what - we are. I don't think we could be prouder. Matthew is growing up to be a very caring little boy.

Me - well not much going on. Went back to work this week, we had a new girl starting - that doesn't happen that often in our place so I got to show her around and I took her with me to see what we do when were out and about in schools. I have had one of my kids taken off me and tomorrow I am meeting a new little girl who is five. I have to say I am looking forward to it as I love that age group.